I know it's been a REALLY long time since I've posted...so sorry! I plan on being more consistent now that all the holidays are over and we're back on schedule!
In the past, the month of January came with much sorrow for me, but today I want to rejoice that in 3 years this is the first January I have felt peace! Be prepared to read, this is a long one! Let me explain...
Back in 2007, we already had our handsome oldest son and decided we were ready to start trying for baby #2. After 6 months of trying, we found out I was expecting! I remember my husband and I being in the bathroom together waiting for what seemed like an eternity to pass, but a few short minutes later we looked at the test and then looked at each other with tears in both of our eyes...we were finally pregnant! We immediately told our family and even our church family that I would be having a baby in mid-January! A few weeks later...Mother's Day weekend in fact, I started bleeding. I was so freaked out and Ted immediately rushed us off to the ER. They did lots of testing and more ultrasounds only to tell me to go see my doctor first thing in the morning and she would read the results to us. It seemed like a lifetime, but we went to the Dr and they did even more blood work and said come back in 24 hrs again. I spent A LOT of time in prayer and reading my Bible. In fact, my best friend gave me a verse that has stuck with me ever since...Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." She encouraged me to only think on those things and to remember that the Lord is in control and only He could bring me comfort. Next day came, and I had to go back to the Dr again! Funny thing is before I got there, I already in my heart knew what happened, but I was holding out for the last bit of hope. The Dr. came in, hugged me, and said she was so sorry to inform me that at 9 weeks I miscarried. I didn't move, I couldn't even cry...I was in shock and devastated! She said she had know explanation for it, that sometimes things like that happen. She told us to come back again when we were ready to start trying again...she said, "please don't give up!" My husband and I spent that night holding each other and crying together. He prayed with me, cried with me, read to me,etc! He was just as devastated as I was, but we trusted the Lord and knew it wasn't His will at the time. I knew people in my life who had suffered miscarriages and was sad for them, but I never in a million years could have imagined how much it really hurts! I wasn't prepared for all the emotions that came with it! I studied out verses on trusting the Lord and over and over again kept meditating on them. I knew that it would only be through Him that I would conceive again.
After trying for a few months we went back to my Dr only to find out I know was suffering from infertility. I was confused because when I became pregnant with my oldest it was a total shocker and unplanned. After finding this new out, I had to begin take fertility drugs and every month I had to go to see if I was pregnant or not. I did that for 4 months and every month was let down until November! It was the weekend of my sister's wedding and I didn't want to take the time out to go to the Dr. My husband told me that I needed to go and not put it off, so I went. My Dr of course wasn't there so I was seeing another Dr in the practice. I remember sitting on the dreaded table and the nurse and Dr coming in with open arms telling me I was pregnant! My response, "Are you sure???" They were VERY sure, I was about 2 months along and would be due in early August! I couldn't wait to tell my husband that after trying for an entire year we would be having a baby! I was beaming and the minute I saw my sister she knew without me saying a word! I then had to go back to the Dr for an ultrasound to make sure we weren't having twins! We decided to wait awhile to tell anyone else until I was further along because of our history. I remember throughout this pregnancy I was constantly battling my thoughts! There were time when I would get scared of the "what if it happens again" thing, but I casted that thought down (2 Cor 10:5) and trusted in the Lord. At 16 weeks I started bleeding, and my husband rushed me again to the ER. Everyone there was treating me for a miscarriage and in my mind that's what I thought was happening too. It was horrible! We went back to the exam room and the nurse said he wanted to try and find the heartbeat. He tried for about 2-3 minutes, and there was nothing! I was crying and I look over only to see tears in my husband's eyes as well. The nurse told us he needed to get the Dr and he'd be back. Ted held me until the Dr came in and started preparing us for the worst! He sat down and decided to try for himself to find the heartbeat, and after a few minutes Ted and I looked at each other and starting crying because we knew what we had heard...our baby's heartbeat!!! They never could explain why that happened, but in my mind I think the Lord was testing me to see if I trusted Him or not! On July 29th our healthy daughter arrived!!! We've been in love ever since...
After all that the Dr told me that I would never be able to conceive again, and if I did the only chance I would have was to take fertility drugs. Well, let me tell you Dr's are wrong, because baby #3 was on the way and we were shocked to say the least! We weren't trying and in our mind thought we were done with 2, but the Lord had different plans for us! In the beginning, I was freaked out about having 3 kids! I didn't think I could do it, 3 kids under the age of 4...crazy! Ted kept telling me over and over that the Lord wouldn't give us more than we could handle, and I believe that with all my heart and soul! Again at 16 weeks the same things happened...bleeding! Off to the ER again only to be treated like we were miscarrying. They never could explain why that one happened either, but on February 24th my sweet baby was born...our family was finally complete!
Every January before I was sad and frankly kept thinking "what if I didn't lose the baby?" We will never forget what happened, and it still makes me cry even to this day! I can finally look back and be at peace! This is the first January that I can look around in my house...see 3 beautiful babies looking at me and know the Lord had it figured out ALL along! I wouldn't have these babies if I would have been able to carry the other one to full term. I was telling all this to my husband the other day and he said, "Baby, we have peace from the Lord!" I couldn't agree more! I'm thankful that it happened in order to bring me to where I am now. I trust the Lord even more today than I did back in 2007. I fell in love with my husband all over again and we connected on a level most will never know in a lifetime. Since then, we've met many people who we know and love who have suffered from a miscarriage and it breaks my heart. I can really say that I know what they are feeling and it even makes my stomach turn a bit. It give me the opportunity to share with them what the Lord did in our life then and now. Being able to do that makes all the pain we felt worth it! The Lord has blessed us abundantly and proven yet again that He's bigger than every thing and can do the impossible!
